There’s something about the moments in life when you’re sharing something important to you, maybe something difficult to speak about, that you might even try to nonchalantly mention in a half hearted or offhanded way. Like when you want to show someone your writing or your art or or music or just something very personal and important to the very core of you and you almost stop breathing for a moment, even though you tell yourself that what they think is unimportant and that what you do and think is for you, your soul, blah blah blah… but in that baited breath and sometimes they’ll look you right in the eye, and sometimes there will be a wonder there, or it will excite them and you’ll inspire each other, or sometimes it’s nothing more than an understanding and an almost kinship that they totally get. And it’s beautiful and magical and that moment wraps you up in that warmth of connection.
And then there are moments when instead you’re met with silence or an offhanded remark, maybe even eyes that are intent on something else completely, and it takes the breath out of you and you feel unseen, invisible, a half dead leaf blowing along the sidewalk, lost to the wind.
How is it that I allowed myself to be lost to the wind for over two years?